Ice Romancer
by Kare Uta
Summary: Being someone else's creation, someone else's double...none of that was easy, but even when it was over, being a castrati left one of the biggest impacts on Carnelian. Berthie/Carnelian. Oneshot.


**Ice Romancer**

When Berthie had told Carnelian that they could finally afford a few nights in an inn he had to admit that he was unbelievably thankful for that. Carnelian wasn't one that was used to a cushy lifestyle, far from it in fact, but he had recently found it unbelievably painful sleeping in or under trees. Getting sniffed at in the middle of the night was not something he particularly enjoyed, although Berthie didn't seem bothered in the slightest.

Clearly, he was looking forward to crawling into a soft bed for a few nights; feeling warm sheets beneath him, tugging a heavy duvet on top of him... It all seemed like a rather far away dream now. He hadn't imagined that when he got to the bed he would be laid down so forcefully, arms pinned to the mattress as he was kissed hard over his lips and his neck. His hands almost hovering over the other's back, he lay there almost entirely silent; almost acting like an entirely unwilling participant to the man's actions.

It wasn't that he didn't want to participate, that was something he didn't want to get wrong. He'd imagined for a long time now what it must feel like to be intimate with someone. He couldn't say though that he had any real idea what it felt like though; perhaps the few times he felt any arousal at all it wasn't something that lasted very long, and he was by himself. Always by himself. He didn't think that this would ever happen to him and, unfortunately, it still felt like it wasn't. He released a shaky breath, mostly from the tinge of pain that seared through him from the not-so-gentle bite that Berthie blessed his neck with.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and Berthie glanced up, smirking. "So? What do you want me to do to you?" He kissed the corner of his mouth, too harshly as usual.

Carnelian gave a short shrug, his hands lowering to grip the duvet rather than the back of the man in front of him. "You don't have to do anything."

Berthie gave him a toothy smirk, sitting back up, "And here I was expecting 'Don't be so selfish! Think about other peoples needs!' and things like that!" He mocked, having imitated Carnelian's softer and suddenly whiny speech.

"You're a jerk, you know that?"

"I imagined you'd be saying that too." Berthie huffed. "You're going to make a fuss no matter what I do, aren't you?" He slapped his thigh lightly, leaning in suddenly to press their lips hard together.

Carnelian continued to lie there, not acting too bothered by the other man's advances. He lay back comfortably and stared at the dirty ceiling above the bed. Fumbling around a little, either with the pillow case or with some of his clothing, he tried to imagine for a little while what all this must have felt like for Berthie. He took one of Carnelian's hands and placed it beneath his clothing, on his uncovered erection; feeling the heat, Carnelian shuddered, watching Berthie remove his shirt.

He laid kisses over the rest of his body, down his chest and to the waistband of his trousers. Trousers... It had been a while since Carnelian had been in them; they still felt strange to him.

Berthie smirked, staring down at the naked flesh that was revealed when he pulled the clothing down past his thighs. "Heh," he scoffed, "by the time I'm done myself you wouldn't even be half way through yet."

Carnelian growled lowly. Finally, enough was enough. He thought that no matter what the other said, it couldn't have been any worse than words he had already been called, and what he'd already called himself. He shoved Berthie off of him out of frustration, gathering his clothes and leaving the room.

Berthie remained seated on the bed, staring at the door. After some time he only threw himself back on the bed, shaking his head, "He's just a child." Putting thoughts of the other man aside for a while he took care of the strong arousal by himself, an arm tucked under his head. It was an almost automatic response, but it only flashed through his mind for a moment that things weren't the same way for everyone.

He lay around in bed for a little while longer, imagining that it wouldn't be much time before Carnelian came rushing back into the room; the weather outside was certainly not favourable for travelling, nor for simply getting some fresh air so he had nowhere to go. He would surely be back any moment now.

Two hours or so ticked past, almost without being noticed due to a nap he slipped into. Upon waking and realizing he was still not there something inside him felt unbelievably uneasy.

For Carnelian, now lulled into a soft sleep due to his quiet crying, this was the safest sort of place he ever knew. Even the vaguest parts of his cracked memories he remembered hiding in all the smallest spaces he could find. The only affection he found himself really ever getting was that of the narrowest spaces in a house embracing him.

It wasn't that he wanted to be blind to the affection; he didn't know how to be affectionate back, so how could he expect getting anything back in his age?

When Berthie was called over on his way out of the inn he was tempted to the rip the keeper apart for distracting him when he had something to do. Then he saw Carnelian curled up in a closet under the stairs; he wasn't sure if he was going to just glare or laugh nervously. "An infant weighs more than you." He mumbled instead, pulling the man up into his arms.

He dropped him down onto the squeaky bed in a less than gracious manner, tossing the duvet over him and dropping himself beside him shortly after. He ran his fingers through his hair, mouth twisting into an odd smirk as he looked him up and down. A pretty little thing, without a doubt.

He hummed quietly to himself as he sat back up, beginning to take apart the straps and buttons and zips that held the other man's clothing together, tossing it all on the ground. With a playful smirk still tugging at his lips he tossed down the duvet and parted his legs. He saw the scar there, perhaps about four centimetres long... Berthie could feel himself shudder; he'd suffered worse, he thought, but he just didn't want to imagine what having that part of him being tampered with would feel like.

He heard a quick soft inhale of breath; Carnelian shivered harshly from the cold tickling his naked body and it was a feeling that began to wake him. His eyes had opened just enough to peak at Berthie, and upon seeing him he forced his legs closed and rolled himself over. "You're a jerk, you know that?" He resisted kicking the man while he was at it, instead curling his legs beneath the duvet.

"Did you know you've still got a scar?" Berthie leaned over him, his mouth just inches from Carnelian's cheek. He knew exactly the sort of behaviour that would get Carnelian frustrated with him, but more likely to speak to him also.

"I can't say I often take tours down there."

"You should; it's interesting."

Carnelian glanced over; his eyes were once more unbelievably sad to look into. "Why are you making fun of me again? Why can't you think of anything else to say? Why does it have to be about _that_?"

"Do you want to know about the kinds of things I love?"

"It's got to be a shorter list than the things you hate." Carnelian mumbled back, staring off at the wall once more.

"I love intriguing things."

Carnelian resisted raising an eyebrow, refusing to show him that he was even mildly interested.

"The more unusual they are the better."

"So? You're going to keep up the chatter about this until you find something more unusual? How long will that take?"

"I doubt it'll be very soon." He trailed a long path with his tongue from the base of his neck to the back of his near, breathing cool air along it until the man beneath him shivered. "Do you know what else I love?"

"What?"

"I love challenges." He watched, his eyes brimming with desire, as the man beneath him shuddered simply from his words this time.

"And? I'm okay as long as I'm a challenge?"

"You'll forever be a very interesting challenge."

Carnelian rolled over onto his back, averting his gaze. "Who says I want to be such a challenge?"

"Perhaps you should learn to accept yourself the way you are, and who you're with."

Carnelian opened his mouth to speak only to have it quickly covered by Berthie's lips, his tongue entering the warmth to explore, his hands roaming along his upper body. As Berthie pulled back, diving to kiss his chest hungrily, Carnelian lay there with wide eyes, almost dreading the unknown of what Berthie was about to do next.

His fingers wrapped around his length, an action that had never been done for a good reason, engulfing them in a warmth that caused Carnelian to jump with surprise, a soft moan escaping his lips. He grabbed Berthie's hand promptly, stopping him from stroking it, "Don't bother." He told him firmly.

"I told you I like challenges."

"What if I say I don't want the challenge?" Carnelian forced out, desperately trying to fight the groping hands.

"Someone who doesn't know what it feels like shouldn't refuse so readily."

Carnelian breathed uneasily, "I don't want to."

"Don't say that." Berthie mumbled to him, his voice shiveringly close, "You'll like it if you embrace it."

"You don't know that." He fought his hands off for a little longer, trying to pin his hands away from him. "If you focus on me like that you're going to be disappointed."

"You don't know that." He countered, mimicking Carnelian's earlier delicate tone. Stroking the man's length, he kissed him hard in order to silence him. "Here," he took his hand and pulled it down to his trousers, "if you're so damn worried about doing nothing."

Carnelian suppressed his blush, watching at how his hand covered the clothed organ. "Shouldn't I..." It seemed hardly fair...

"Wouldn't be good if I finished before you, would it?"

Carnelian's fingers rubbed hard through the fabric, trying his utmost to hide his embarrassment as Bertie amused himself trying to stroke him into getting an erection, occasionally kissing his neck and chest in between glances. However sick he felt at the idea of it he found himself feeling so good, shivering. He bit harder into his lip, resisting making a sound.

"You can be honest." Berthie taunted. "You can say 'it feels good!'."

"It does..." He admitted quietly, his hand speeding up in an effort to distract himself. Berthie reached for his nipples, squeezing. Carnelian groaned loudly, gritting his teeth.

"You like it when they're played with?"

"...N-No!"

"The truth." He reminded him sternly.

Carnelian bit his lip, "I like it..."

"Its easier to enjoy it if you'll admit it."

He imaged that Berthie would be right about that. Although, it was all easier said than done. Berthie pulled away from him, removing his trousers as he crawled to the bottom of the bed, a feline sort of agile to the way he moved. He pulled his legs apart, causing Carnelian's whole body to redden. The feeling that swelled over him became so suffocating and intoxicating. A chill washed over him from the fear.

"What are you so scared of?" Berthie growled, his fingers circling Carnelian's entrance. "Have I ever treated you roughly?"

Carnelian cocked his head to the side, debating amongst the intense feelings whether he should answer that question honestly. The two fingers that slipped into him suddenly with no other preparation told him he had other things to worry about. He screwed his eyes shut tightly and he began to understand what people meant about the fine line between pleasure and pain.

"You'll never find a man that will treat you as well as I can."

Carnelian nodded his head, possibly one of the few things they could agree on, "I always said you were the craziest man on the planet, didn't I?"

Berthie's fingers squirmed around inside of Carnelian, causing him to cry out and grip tightly onto the sheets. He began a constant stream of cursing below his breath, Berthie's fingers continuing to move around with a little more care this time. "Quite a mouth on you..." Berthie murmured, capturing Carnelian's bottom lip with his teeth. Carnelian reached up for something, having lost his grip on the sheets, reaching for the pillow and then the headboard.

"Even if it's hotter doing it from behind, I have this sudden fascination with your face." Berthie pulled out his fingers without much other thought and replaced it with his length, watching with satisfaction as Carnelian's mouth opened agape and his eyes widened, fingers tightening onto Berthie's shirt.

Berthie lowered his body, their heaving chests touching. Carnelian crossed his arms over his face, causing Berthie to fight him to get them off, pinning them down onto the pillow above him. "So stubborn..." He kissed his cheek. "Does it feel good?"

Carnelian nodded his head meekly, a small "Un..." sound escaping his lips.

Berthie kept a hard pace, slamming into a soft spot inside Carnelian that caused him to moan louder each time. He felt the circulation in his arms stopping from the force Berthie put on it, having been using it to support himself too. He wanted to mouth one request to him. He just wanted to hold onto him a little. If he could just touch him... But he couldn't form words anymore, however much he wished.

"You're...all mine." Berthie bit into Carnelian's neck, ramming into that delicious spot once more before finishing inside of him.

Once Berthie let go of his arms, amidst his climax, Carnelian reached over and held onto him tightly, holding him in place before he could move again. Berthie stayed unbelievably still and, much to his relief, entirely silent as the waves of his unseen orgasm washed over his unaccustomed body.

He knew he couldn't lay that way forever, however much he wished to do so. Gods, he dreaded it so much... Letting go and then having to deal with that mocking expression, those ridiculing eyes and those harsh words... But...he was right...he needed to develop a thicker skin if he was going to stay there... He began to let go, slowly slowly, his hands sliding until they were off of him entirely.

Berthie pulled out, taking a glance at the increased mess between Carnelian's legs. The man closed them upon instinct, the lack of warmth there suddenly frightening. Berthie stubbornly opened them again, touching the large scar and smiling.

"What's with that goofy look?" Carnelian whispered, his voice rough.

"Ah! Did your voice break? I really did make you a man now, huh?"

Carnelian cleared his throat, pulling himself to sit up a little, "Yeah, right." He said, more clearly and in his usual delicate voice.

Berthie rolled over, tucking his hands under his head, "You seemed to enjoy it anyway, Mr. I-don't-want-to."

Once the other seemed to do so, Carnelian laid himself back down very slowly, looking around warily before answering. "I did like it. I suppose I like...different feelings."

"Just like how I love intriguing things, and if there's a challenge to them, I love them even more."

Carnelian cocked his head to the side, smiling uneasily, "Maybe I don't love them quite just yet..." He noticed Berthie look a little disappointed at the sound of that; he didn't seem to want to say anything to it though. Carnelian supposed Berthie wasn't unused to the feeling of unrequited love. "But...I feel like it's coming to that point...maybe..." If he was going to tell him the truth, he thought he might as well tell him the whole truth.

Berthie didn't show a great improvement once he heard that, but the little glimmer that flickered in his eyes was more than enough for Carnelian to feel satisfied that he'd done the right thing. "So? How old were you?"

"Hm?"

"When the family did _that_?"

"We don't need to talk about that." Carnelian sighed.

"We could though."

"I wouldn't like to." Carnelian confessed. "But just if it matters, I was nine."

"Hmm, interesting," Berthie rolled over onto his stomach, then tugged the sheets up to take a look, "it looks better than it did at nine years old; I'll bet."

Carnelian slammed the sheets down, sighing and mumbling, "You're so much nicer when you're quiet."

Berthie looked over the other man, still smirking as he tried to look straight into his eyes; Carnelian blatantly refused and tried to look anywhere else, eyes clearly gleaming with moisture. "I can't help myself..." He sighed. "Whenever you have that look in your eyes I just can't help the want to conquer you. Just slowly, taking my sweet time while doing it..."

Carnelian's face reddened and, without meaning to, he looked over to Berthie. After that, all he saw was the ceiling through fog and moisture as Berthie pressed their lips together again, a feeling stronger than anything else he had ever felt welling in his chest.

**A/N: Taken up as a challenge from RinsDarkMagician. Hope you enjoyed reading this! Please leave a review and let me know what you thought!**


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